Post by silent.lullaby on Dec 10, 2009 14:59:43 GMT -5
Sweeter Than Heaven [Supernatural] Hotter Than Hell (8) Running Up That Hill
“Bullshit.”
“I’m not lying to you,” Castiel returned calmly. Sam had fallen to sleep nearly an hour ago, and Dean was still driving. Castiel was still trying to prove to me that angels were in fact real, and he was one of them. Dean even backed him up but I still refused to believe.
“Hypothetically speaking, let’s say I believe you. Which I don’t, but hypothetically speaking... if you’re an angel, and there is a God.”
“I am,” Castiel responded, “and there is.”
“If,” I responded slowly, “then why can’t God just stop the demons, the apocalypse. Why do innocent people have to die?”
“He could.”
“So he just chooses not to?” I ask sounding every bit as bitter as I am.
“Maybe, something is preventing him from it. Perhaps this is a trial of sorts.”
“Then I have been tried, and my patience are wearing thin. How am I to find my brother?”
“A psychic.”
“Thanks genius,” I bite back. “Cause the last time I went that route it didn’t bite me in the ass at all!”
Castiel studied me for a moment, “it’s not my fault you foolishly followed a demon.”
I wanted to smack him. Which if he were an angel, and I’m still not so certain, that would surely be some form of blasphemy. I wrung my fingers as I thought of Gabriel. “Do any of you know a hunter by the name of Peter Krause?”
Dean shook his head, “sorry, never heard of him. Why?”
“He called my brother, Gabe then insisted he went alone.” I shook my head, “I should have insisted I came with him.” I cogitated upon all I knew now. Hindsight being twenty-twenty I felt like a fool. I should have gone with Gabe. I should have trusted my gut about Meg. I put my head in my hands. I had no one with out Gabriel. My greatest fear was losing him, losing the last thing in this world I cared about. My heart sped up as the panic of being utterly alone set in. He had to be alive, he simply had to be. Gabriel couldn’t be dead, he couldn’t be.
“You couldn’t have known,” Dean responded after a while. “You can’t go and beat yourself up about it. We’ll help you find him.”
“Really?” I could hear the ring of hope in my voice and felt foolish. Meg may have already killed him. My mind revolted at the thought shoving it away and tried to think positive, which was difficult for me being a realist. I wanted so badly in this moment to be an ever optimist.
“Yeah, but first we all need to get some rest,” Dean responded. “We’ll be no good to anyone if we’re dead on our feet.”
I agreed despite knowing I’d never be able to get a good nights sleep knowing Gabriel was in trouble. Dean pulled in to the first sleazy hotel he could and we all went in to get a room. “You want your own room?” Dean asked as he took out his credit card, I couldn’t quite read the name on it, but I knew it was far to long a name to be his. I nodded.
I didn’t care to share a room with people I hardly knew. Being hunters gave them enough credit to travel with them, the desperation for help also weighed, but I wouldn’t share a room.
“I’m sorry, your card has been declined,” the attendant told Dean who shot a worried look to Sam. Shoving his hands in his pockets Sam brought out a hand full of one dollar bills, and some pocket lint before shrugging to his brother.
“I got it,” I responded before asking how much a room was.
“Two fifty a night.”
“What!” I responded as I clutched my wallet. “This is the worst hotel I’ve seen in miles.”
“Yes, and we’re the only hotel for miles, so pay up or keep driving.”
“I’ve only got two forty,” I admitted as I shifted through my hustling money.
“I got the last ten,” Sam responded as he flattened out the crinkled one’s.
Alas, I ended up sharing a room with the Winchester brothers, and a man claiming to be an angel.
I couldn’t believe it. “All my stuff is still in the Rogue,” I said finally an after thought as we returned to the vehicle so Sam and Dean could get their belongings.
“You can get more in the morning,” Dean responded.
I didn’t bother to mention the entire spent-my-last-bit-of-money-for-this-sleazy-hotel-room problem. It paled in comparison to the my-brother-is-missing situation. I pulled out my phone and tried the only number on it as I stepped through the door.
“This is Gabe, leave a message at the beep, if this is Audrey, don’t flood my voice mail again.” I would have laughed if his voice hadn’t nearly made me cry.
“I’m going to take the first shower,” I said heading straight for it. None of them said anything, and I prayed they didn’t see my shoulders begin to shake with sobs. I turned on the water quickly as my exterior gave way to my interior emotions. I sat on the edge of the tub and the tears flowed freely.
I’d never felt so alone.
In reality, I’d never been with out someone in my family. I had hunted with mother, or with father, or with Gabriel, or all of us together. A thought came to mind. Never have I ever been with out family.
I let out a breath but it came out shaky, a sound I had heard so many times while interviewing people who’s loved ones died supernatural deaths. I recognized the utter anguish and despair in my breath. I stripped down and stepped into the shower, the hot water burning at my flesh. I tried to bite back the sobs and they silently racked through my body.
I sat down in the tub and let the water rain down upon me. I tried to calm my breathing, stop the sobbing. I pushed my hair back and stood with a new found fury. Smashing the button in the water stopped and I stepped out grabbing a towel and I wrapped it around my body.
I wiped the mirror free of fog and forced my self to stay angry at the situation for it was all that kept me from crumbling to my knees about it. “I’ll find you Gabe,” I promised, to him, and to myself.
Drying off quickly I found that a clean shirt and a pair of pants had been put inside the door. I picked them up, and put on the jeans which hung a little loosely from my waist and I had to roll them up at the bottom to keep from tripping over them. I grabbed the shirt and pulled it over my head it was long and too big for me, but that was expected. They were mens clothing, not women’s I couldn’t expect them to fit the right way.
I came out of the bathroom and suddenly felt useless. My laptop was in the Rogue.
“Sorry they don’t fit,” Dean said once I came out, he was drinking a beer sitting across from Sam who was clicking away at his laptop’s keyboard.
I looked down at myself and shrugged, “they’re comfortable at least,” I responded, “and clean.”
“Want one?” He raised the beer and I shook my head. As much as I would have liked to be inebriated at that moment, it wouldn’t help Gabriel, and in the end, it wouldn’t help me either.
“What are you looking for Sam?”
“Peter Krause. If we could find him, we’d at least know the proximity of where your brother was. Could give us a starting place.”
I nodded and took a seat by them before looking around. “Where did Castiel go?”
Dean shrugged, “who knows.”
“You really think he’s an angel.”
Dean had a little smirk upon his face, “it took me a long time to believe it too. I’ve seen evidence so I don’t blame you for still thinking he’s a liar.”
“Guys,” Sam finally spoke before turning the lap top, “I think I found Peter Krause.”
My heart soared and I stared at the computer before it fell quickly to my stomach. “I’m going to be sick!” I jumped up and ran to the bathroom shutting the door behind me as I fell to my knees emptying my stomach into the toilet.
If Gabriel ended up anyway like Peter... My stomach gave another nauseous whirl at the thought and I heaved more.
“Please God let him be okay,” I prayed feeling a bit foolish. Prayer gets you no where.
“Bullshit.”
“I’m not lying to you,” Castiel returned calmly. Sam had fallen to sleep nearly an hour ago, and Dean was still driving. Castiel was still trying to prove to me that angels were in fact real, and he was one of them. Dean even backed him up but I still refused to believe.
“Hypothetically speaking, let’s say I believe you. Which I don’t, but hypothetically speaking... if you’re an angel, and there is a God.”
“I am,” Castiel responded, “and there is.”
“If,” I responded slowly, “then why can’t God just stop the demons, the apocalypse. Why do innocent people have to die?”
“He could.”
“So he just chooses not to?” I ask sounding every bit as bitter as I am.
“Maybe, something is preventing him from it. Perhaps this is a trial of sorts.”
“Then I have been tried, and my patience are wearing thin. How am I to find my brother?”
“A psychic.”
“Thanks genius,” I bite back. “Cause the last time I went that route it didn’t bite me in the ass at all!”
Castiel studied me for a moment, “it’s not my fault you foolishly followed a demon.”
I wanted to smack him. Which if he were an angel, and I’m still not so certain, that would surely be some form of blasphemy. I wrung my fingers as I thought of Gabriel. “Do any of you know a hunter by the name of Peter Krause?”
Dean shook his head, “sorry, never heard of him. Why?”
“He called my brother, Gabe then insisted he went alone.” I shook my head, “I should have insisted I came with him.” I cogitated upon all I knew now. Hindsight being twenty-twenty I felt like a fool. I should have gone with Gabe. I should have trusted my gut about Meg. I put my head in my hands. I had no one with out Gabriel. My greatest fear was losing him, losing the last thing in this world I cared about. My heart sped up as the panic of being utterly alone set in. He had to be alive, he simply had to be. Gabriel couldn’t be dead, he couldn’t be.
“You couldn’t have known,” Dean responded after a while. “You can’t go and beat yourself up about it. We’ll help you find him.”
“Really?” I could hear the ring of hope in my voice and felt foolish. Meg may have already killed him. My mind revolted at the thought shoving it away and tried to think positive, which was difficult for me being a realist. I wanted so badly in this moment to be an ever optimist.
“Yeah, but first we all need to get some rest,” Dean responded. “We’ll be no good to anyone if we’re dead on our feet.”
I agreed despite knowing I’d never be able to get a good nights sleep knowing Gabriel was in trouble. Dean pulled in to the first sleazy hotel he could and we all went in to get a room. “You want your own room?” Dean asked as he took out his credit card, I couldn’t quite read the name on it, but I knew it was far to long a name to be his. I nodded.
I didn’t care to share a room with people I hardly knew. Being hunters gave them enough credit to travel with them, the desperation for help also weighed, but I wouldn’t share a room.
“I’m sorry, your card has been declined,” the attendant told Dean who shot a worried look to Sam. Shoving his hands in his pockets Sam brought out a hand full of one dollar bills, and some pocket lint before shrugging to his brother.
“I got it,” I responded before asking how much a room was.
“Two fifty a night.”
“What!” I responded as I clutched my wallet. “This is the worst hotel I’ve seen in miles.”
“Yes, and we’re the only hotel for miles, so pay up or keep driving.”
“I’ve only got two forty,” I admitted as I shifted through my hustling money.
“I got the last ten,” Sam responded as he flattened out the crinkled one’s.
Alas, I ended up sharing a room with the Winchester brothers, and a man claiming to be an angel.
I couldn’t believe it. “All my stuff is still in the Rogue,” I said finally an after thought as we returned to the vehicle so Sam and Dean could get their belongings.
“You can get more in the morning,” Dean responded.
I didn’t bother to mention the entire spent-my-last-bit-of-money-for-this-sleazy-hotel-room problem. It paled in comparison to the my-brother-is-missing situation. I pulled out my phone and tried the only number on it as I stepped through the door.
“This is Gabe, leave a message at the beep, if this is Audrey, don’t flood my voice mail again.” I would have laughed if his voice hadn’t nearly made me cry.
“I’m going to take the first shower,” I said heading straight for it. None of them said anything, and I prayed they didn’t see my shoulders begin to shake with sobs. I turned on the water quickly as my exterior gave way to my interior emotions. I sat on the edge of the tub and the tears flowed freely.
I’d never felt so alone.
In reality, I’d never been with out someone in my family. I had hunted with mother, or with father, or with Gabriel, or all of us together. A thought came to mind. Never have I ever been with out family.
I let out a breath but it came out shaky, a sound I had heard so many times while interviewing people who’s loved ones died supernatural deaths. I recognized the utter anguish and despair in my breath. I stripped down and stepped into the shower, the hot water burning at my flesh. I tried to bite back the sobs and they silently racked through my body.
I sat down in the tub and let the water rain down upon me. I tried to calm my breathing, stop the sobbing. I pushed my hair back and stood with a new found fury. Smashing the button in the water stopped and I stepped out grabbing a towel and I wrapped it around my body.
I wiped the mirror free of fog and forced my self to stay angry at the situation for it was all that kept me from crumbling to my knees about it. “I’ll find you Gabe,” I promised, to him, and to myself.
Drying off quickly I found that a clean shirt and a pair of pants had been put inside the door. I picked them up, and put on the jeans which hung a little loosely from my waist and I had to roll them up at the bottom to keep from tripping over them. I grabbed the shirt and pulled it over my head it was long and too big for me, but that was expected. They were mens clothing, not women’s I couldn’t expect them to fit the right way.
I came out of the bathroom and suddenly felt useless. My laptop was in the Rogue.
“Sorry they don’t fit,” Dean said once I came out, he was drinking a beer sitting across from Sam who was clicking away at his laptop’s keyboard.
I looked down at myself and shrugged, “they’re comfortable at least,” I responded, “and clean.”
“Want one?” He raised the beer and I shook my head. As much as I would have liked to be inebriated at that moment, it wouldn’t help Gabriel, and in the end, it wouldn’t help me either.
“What are you looking for Sam?”
“Peter Krause. If we could find him, we’d at least know the proximity of where your brother was. Could give us a starting place.”
I nodded and took a seat by them before looking around. “Where did Castiel go?”
Dean shrugged, “who knows.”
“You really think he’s an angel.”
Dean had a little smirk upon his face, “it took me a long time to believe it too. I’ve seen evidence so I don’t blame you for still thinking he’s a liar.”
“Guys,” Sam finally spoke before turning the lap top, “I think I found Peter Krause.”
My heart soared and I stared at the computer before it fell quickly to my stomach. “I’m going to be sick!” I jumped up and ran to the bathroom shutting the door behind me as I fell to my knees emptying my stomach into the toilet.
If Gabriel ended up anyway like Peter... My stomach gave another nauseous whirl at the thought and I heaved more.
“Please God let him be okay,” I prayed feeling a bit foolish. Prayer gets you no where.