Post by silent.lullaby on Oct 2, 2009 15:12:34 GMT -5
Boot Camp For Terribly Twisted Teens [Chapter 43] The Monster In Me
The next morning I awoke with a terrible taste in my mouth. Checking the clock, I realized it was much earlier than I had presumed. Four am. I carefully took Tori’s arm off me and walked to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth I thought about what the night would bring. The rebellion. I spit out the paste and rinsed with mouthwash.
I walked out to the balcony in my black silk night gown. The cold ate at me immediately. Snow was coating the ground. “Hey,” I turned quickly to see Nick leaning against the wall looking at me.
“Hey,” I responded.
“You okay?” He asked.
I shrugged. “If I said yes I’d be lying, and if I said no I’d be lying too. I’m adjusting to this life Nick. That scares me, and I’m not sure if I am okay with it.” I picked up some snow in my hands and patted it together it made my hands feel numb and I had the sudden desire to go and roll in it, to numb my entire body.
“I was a cop,” Nick spoke softly, “and I’m having difficulties adjusting to this. Right and wrong, lawful and unlawful. They don’t apply to this life.”
“You saying we are above the law?” I asked quietly as I threw the snowball as far as I could.
“No,” Nick responded. “The laws just don’t apply. We’re different. We aren’t suppose to speed down roads, but we need to. We shouldn’t break into places, but we have to. We’re going to murder people Claire, it’s not something we should do, but it’s something that needs to happen. I don’t relish the thought of burning people alive, but I know I will.” He sighed. He grabbed my hands and I felt them warm up, tingling in the warmth.
I looked up to him, “thank you, for everything.”
“There is no need for thanks. I was happy to do everything and anything for you Claire.”
“Nick... can I tell you something, and do you promise you’ll keep it a secret?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“I’m scared. I’m really, really scared Nick.” I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. “When I went to get Tori... we were followed. We couldn’t lead them here! We... we dealt with the situation. My powers... they’re dark. Not just in the literal sense either. They scare me Nick. I’m not who I was a year ago and that scares me. What if I keep getting worse, less and less bothered by my death toll? I- I’m a monster Nick.”
“Claire-“
“I am! I am a monster Nick. It’s been getting easier and easier to kill, and I keep telling myself it has to happen, they have to die. What if killing them is killing me?”
I felt Nick’s warm arms wrap around me and the tears overflowed my eyes. His heat warmed up my icy body. “You’ll deal Claire. You’re strong, you will make it through this.” He tilted my chin up and I averted my eyes. “Claire... you have family, friends that care for you. You’ll make it through this.” My eyes caught his and my bottom lip trembled. I buried my head in his chest, I had wanted to hear those words. That I’d make it. That my family would still love me, that my friends would still care.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my height and kissed him lightly, he seemed taken back but came around and kissed me back his hand entangling in my hair pulling me closer to him with his hand around my waist. It was comforting, to be wanted. I felt my back pressed against the icy stone of the building. His touch warming my entire body. I grabbed the top of his jeans and pulled him closer.
He grabbed my legs and lifted me balancing me against the wall. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him passionately. “Nick,” I murmured as he kissed my neck. He didn’t at all seem disturbed or bothered by the burns that were leaving me feeling self-conscious. I felt one of his hands slowly make it’s way up my thigh.
“Claire,” he whispered back looking in my eyes with a grin. “God, you are so beautiful.”
It was strange. I had gotten use to the feeling of the burns, the odd pulling of skin when I smiled, and when I spoke. I had even gotten use to looking in the mirror and not crying about my face. And in that moment, when he said I was beautiful, I believed him. He truly thought I was beautiful, and that only made me like him more.
I smiled lightly and started kissing him again. I pulled him closer, my hand entangling in his odd shag of hair. It had been a while since he’d had it cut. I pulled back a second and looked at it in the early morning light. His natural light blonde hair had started growing back out. “Nick...”
“Yeah?”
“I still don’t have roots.”
“Uh... what?” Nick asked looking a bit perplexed.
“My hair. Everyone else has roots by now... I don’t, do I?”
He seemed to inspect my hair for the first time. “Huh, no.”
“I should.”
“That is a bit strange,” he admitted.
“Claire?” I looked up to Nick only to feel him stiffen and I realized it wasn’t his voice that had called my name. We both looked slowly toward the sliding door to the balcony and seen Daniel step out. “Nick! Claire!” I never seen my brother look so furious in my entire life. “Put her down.” I hardly seen Daniel as he moved so fast he was beside us and he jerked on Nick’s arm so hard I heard a snap and him hitting the steel balcony railings.
“Nick!” I screamed as I watched his head loll. “Nick!” I struggled in my brother’s arms viciously.
“What the hell was that!” Daniel screamed at me. “You’re a kid Claire!” I glared at him. “Don’t look at me like that. He’s the one in the wrong, you’re a kid Claire! He shouldn’t have done that to you!”
“He wasn’t doing anything I wasn’t okay with Daniel!”
“Doesn’t matter! You’re too young to be with him!”
“Fuck off,” I screamed at him trying to wiggle out of his grasps. All of the commotion seemed to have awoken everyone. I seen Hawkeye, Mary, Anna, and Cory all looking horrified. “Let me go!” I screamed and Daniel was thrown through the glass window, and I heard some girlish screams.
I went quickly to Nick and dropped to my knees beside him. “Nick! Nick! Please, wake up, come on Nick. Someone get Dr. Allen!” I screamed.
“Rick already dashed off a few seconds before.” I heard Liam say as he dropped down beside me.
I looked at him as I held Nick’s hand, “Liam, why is he getting colder? Is that you?”
Liam looked at me and shook his head sadly.
“Liam... Liam, why is he getting colder?”
“Claire... I’m sure Dr. Allen will be able to fix him up.” He said but tears were freezing on his cheeks and he wasn’t touching Nick. Nick was getting colder on his own.
“Liam...”
“Claire, it will all be okay.”
“Is that what Rick said?” Liam looked away from me. “Answer me!”
Liam turned around looking red hot with rage, “Rick said prepare for death. It’s coming our way.” He stared into my eyes with a look of hatred. “This is your fault you filthy slut,” his hand came across my face coated in ice and sliced across the burns. “This is your fault.” He left and I couldn’t believe the words that had just left his mouth. Liam is a nice guy. I’d never heard him swear. Ever.
I looked to Nick and seen blood trickling from his mouth and Dr. Allen knelt down beside me. “Claire, you need to go to the other room.” There were other people with him, putting Nick onto a stretcher.
I went into the room, everyone was looking at me. Tori looked at me like I was a freak. The monster I had been talking to Nick about.
I looked down at my brother who was also being strapped to a stretcher. I could feel the monster inside of me take over. To protect me from what I had done. The monster could deal with the wary looks, looks of hatred, the jabs and general dislike.
“Claire?” Rick grabbed my hand and dragged from the hallway into a small room later that day. “Claire?” I stared at him blankly. It had been hours since anyone had, had any desire to talk to me. My mouth was so dry, I hadn’t eaten or drank anything since early the previous day. He stared at me for a moment. “I know you won’t speak. But I don’t know why. Just like you pushed your brother through glass, but I don’t know why.” Rick sighed, “we’re the rebellion. You’re practically the leader. Do you think anyone will listen to you in your state. I don’t know what happened out there on the balcony, but I know it was bad.”
I opened my mouth to try and speak but the monster closed it.
He looked hopeful for a second and then he sighed. “If you don’t choose to let yourself out, the rebellion won’t happen. No one will follow you like this, and no one else will come up as leader. Nick might have but he’s in intensive care. Allen doesn’t know if he will survive the night.”
I looked at Rick and we both stayed silent for a long time. It was like he knew I’d start talking if he waited long enough. “I’m a monster,” I whispered to him. “I’ll take down Kennedy on my own.”
Rick scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. That’s a suicide mission and you know it.”
I stared blankly at him.
I seen tears well in his eyes and before I left I heard him whisper, “and you know it.”
The next morning I awoke with a terrible taste in my mouth. Checking the clock, I realized it was much earlier than I had presumed. Four am. I carefully took Tori’s arm off me and walked to the bathroom. Brushing my teeth I thought about what the night would bring. The rebellion. I spit out the paste and rinsed with mouthwash.
I walked out to the balcony in my black silk night gown. The cold ate at me immediately. Snow was coating the ground. “Hey,” I turned quickly to see Nick leaning against the wall looking at me.
“Hey,” I responded.
“You okay?” He asked.
I shrugged. “If I said yes I’d be lying, and if I said no I’d be lying too. I’m adjusting to this life Nick. That scares me, and I’m not sure if I am okay with it.” I picked up some snow in my hands and patted it together it made my hands feel numb and I had the sudden desire to go and roll in it, to numb my entire body.
“I was a cop,” Nick spoke softly, “and I’m having difficulties adjusting to this. Right and wrong, lawful and unlawful. They don’t apply to this life.”
“You saying we are above the law?” I asked quietly as I threw the snowball as far as I could.
“No,” Nick responded. “The laws just don’t apply. We’re different. We aren’t suppose to speed down roads, but we need to. We shouldn’t break into places, but we have to. We’re going to murder people Claire, it’s not something we should do, but it’s something that needs to happen. I don’t relish the thought of burning people alive, but I know I will.” He sighed. He grabbed my hands and I felt them warm up, tingling in the warmth.
I looked up to him, “thank you, for everything.”
“There is no need for thanks. I was happy to do everything and anything for you Claire.”
“Nick... can I tell you something, and do you promise you’ll keep it a secret?” I asked.
“Of course.”
“I’m scared. I’m really, really scared Nick.” I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes. “When I went to get Tori... we were followed. We couldn’t lead them here! We... we dealt with the situation. My powers... they’re dark. Not just in the literal sense either. They scare me Nick. I’m not who I was a year ago and that scares me. What if I keep getting worse, less and less bothered by my death toll? I- I’m a monster Nick.”
“Claire-“
“I am! I am a monster Nick. It’s been getting easier and easier to kill, and I keep telling myself it has to happen, they have to die. What if killing them is killing me?”
I felt Nick’s warm arms wrap around me and the tears overflowed my eyes. His heat warmed up my icy body. “You’ll deal Claire. You’re strong, you will make it through this.” He tilted my chin up and I averted my eyes. “Claire... you have family, friends that care for you. You’ll make it through this.” My eyes caught his and my bottom lip trembled. I buried my head in his chest, I had wanted to hear those words. That I’d make it. That my family would still love me, that my friends would still care.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my height and kissed him lightly, he seemed taken back but came around and kissed me back his hand entangling in my hair pulling me closer to him with his hand around my waist. It was comforting, to be wanted. I felt my back pressed against the icy stone of the building. His touch warming my entire body. I grabbed the top of his jeans and pulled him closer.
He grabbed my legs and lifted me balancing me against the wall. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed him passionately. “Nick,” I murmured as he kissed my neck. He didn’t at all seem disturbed or bothered by the burns that were leaving me feeling self-conscious. I felt one of his hands slowly make it’s way up my thigh.
“Claire,” he whispered back looking in my eyes with a grin. “God, you are so beautiful.”
It was strange. I had gotten use to the feeling of the burns, the odd pulling of skin when I smiled, and when I spoke. I had even gotten use to looking in the mirror and not crying about my face. And in that moment, when he said I was beautiful, I believed him. He truly thought I was beautiful, and that only made me like him more.
I smiled lightly and started kissing him again. I pulled him closer, my hand entangling in his odd shag of hair. It had been a while since he’d had it cut. I pulled back a second and looked at it in the early morning light. His natural light blonde hair had started growing back out. “Nick...”
“Yeah?”
“I still don’t have roots.”
“Uh... what?” Nick asked looking a bit perplexed.
“My hair. Everyone else has roots by now... I don’t, do I?”
He seemed to inspect my hair for the first time. “Huh, no.”
“I should.”
“That is a bit strange,” he admitted.
“Claire?” I looked up to Nick only to feel him stiffen and I realized it wasn’t his voice that had called my name. We both looked slowly toward the sliding door to the balcony and seen Daniel step out. “Nick! Claire!” I never seen my brother look so furious in my entire life. “Put her down.” I hardly seen Daniel as he moved so fast he was beside us and he jerked on Nick’s arm so hard I heard a snap and him hitting the steel balcony railings.
“Nick!” I screamed as I watched his head loll. “Nick!” I struggled in my brother’s arms viciously.
“What the hell was that!” Daniel screamed at me. “You’re a kid Claire!” I glared at him. “Don’t look at me like that. He’s the one in the wrong, you’re a kid Claire! He shouldn’t have done that to you!”
“He wasn’t doing anything I wasn’t okay with Daniel!”
“Doesn’t matter! You’re too young to be with him!”
“Fuck off,” I screamed at him trying to wiggle out of his grasps. All of the commotion seemed to have awoken everyone. I seen Hawkeye, Mary, Anna, and Cory all looking horrified. “Let me go!” I screamed and Daniel was thrown through the glass window, and I heard some girlish screams.
I went quickly to Nick and dropped to my knees beside him. “Nick! Nick! Please, wake up, come on Nick. Someone get Dr. Allen!” I screamed.
“Rick already dashed off a few seconds before.” I heard Liam say as he dropped down beside me.
I looked at him as I held Nick’s hand, “Liam, why is he getting colder? Is that you?”
Liam looked at me and shook his head sadly.
“Liam... Liam, why is he getting colder?”
“Claire... I’m sure Dr. Allen will be able to fix him up.” He said but tears were freezing on his cheeks and he wasn’t touching Nick. Nick was getting colder on his own.
“Liam...”
“Claire, it will all be okay.”
“Is that what Rick said?” Liam looked away from me. “Answer me!”
Liam turned around looking red hot with rage, “Rick said prepare for death. It’s coming our way.” He stared into my eyes with a look of hatred. “This is your fault you filthy slut,” his hand came across my face coated in ice and sliced across the burns. “This is your fault.” He left and I couldn’t believe the words that had just left his mouth. Liam is a nice guy. I’d never heard him swear. Ever.
I looked to Nick and seen blood trickling from his mouth and Dr. Allen knelt down beside me. “Claire, you need to go to the other room.” There were other people with him, putting Nick onto a stretcher.
I went into the room, everyone was looking at me. Tori looked at me like I was a freak. The monster I had been talking to Nick about.
I looked down at my brother who was also being strapped to a stretcher. I could feel the monster inside of me take over. To protect me from what I had done. The monster could deal with the wary looks, looks of hatred, the jabs and general dislike.
“Claire?” Rick grabbed my hand and dragged from the hallway into a small room later that day. “Claire?” I stared at him blankly. It had been hours since anyone had, had any desire to talk to me. My mouth was so dry, I hadn’t eaten or drank anything since early the previous day. He stared at me for a moment. “I know you won’t speak. But I don’t know why. Just like you pushed your brother through glass, but I don’t know why.” Rick sighed, “we’re the rebellion. You’re practically the leader. Do you think anyone will listen to you in your state. I don’t know what happened out there on the balcony, but I know it was bad.”
I opened my mouth to try and speak but the monster closed it.
He looked hopeful for a second and then he sighed. “If you don’t choose to let yourself out, the rebellion won’t happen. No one will follow you like this, and no one else will come up as leader. Nick might have but he’s in intensive care. Allen doesn’t know if he will survive the night.”
I looked at Rick and we both stayed silent for a long time. It was like he knew I’d start talking if he waited long enough. “I’m a monster,” I whispered to him. “I’ll take down Kennedy on my own.”
Rick scoffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. That’s a suicide mission and you know it.”
I stared blankly at him.
I seen tears well in his eyes and before I left I heard him whisper, “and you know it.”