Post by silent.lullaby on Oct 15, 2009 13:53:25 GMT -5
Boot Camp For Terribly Twisted Teens [Chapter 51] Who I’ve Been Hates Who I Am
Getting shoved into a body isn’t exactly a great experience. It’s painful, and I found once I was inside, I was coughing up embalming fluid, and finding it very hard to move thanks to rigor mortis already having set in. Daniel helped me sit up and bent my stiff body over the side of the coffin so I didn’t drown in my own fluids. My stomach rumbled and expelled more fluids as I heaved.
Tori and Scott were working their ways through the guards killing them, while Nina was doing her best to keep anyone from entering the large room. Daniel helped me out of the coffin and I found my body was starting to move a little smoother now.
“Claire, you need to be careful. Our powers are dangerous.” Caitlyn yelled over the noise of gunfire. “The darkness, and spirits can have powers, and malicious intent of their own. We necromancers aren’t truly meant to be among the living. We cause death, we welcome death to come to us, we draw on it. Sometimes it makes us do things we wouldn’t, and in time, we aren’t even who we started out as, we’re just a picture made up from thousands of other people.” Caitlyn leaned in close, “we’re monsters of the dead’s design. Try to keep your head.”
“The dead control us?”
“If we’re weak.” Caitlyn responded. “But Claire, I have to tell you something. It’s of grave importance.”
The gunfire was loud, she leaned in to make sure I could hear. I leaned in too and was splattered by blood. I screamed and took two quick steps back as Caitlyn’s lifeless body fell to the ground, a bullet having ripped through her skull.
I looked around for her spirit, but only found nothing. She’d been ready to die. She’d crossed over to quickly. More gunfire came, and Daniel pulled me from the podium and behind one of the benches. “How many of them are there?” Daniel whispered as he poked his head above the bench.
I wiped blood and brain matter from my face and looked down at my hands. “Don’t puke,” I whispered to myself.
Thayne came to us and knelt down. “I think Nina’s running low.” He handed us each a nine millimetre pistol. “She needs help, she can’t keep them back anymore.”
“Shoot out the lights.” I spoke calmly pointing my gun upwards.
With the three of us working the room was dark in less than a minute and I felt the shadows working through me, I felt loose, my movements having improved, my veins became black and I stood.
What was it that Caitlyn needed to tell me?
I feared the shadows. She was right about them, they had a mind of their own. They found the most malicious part of me and acted out on it, uncensored. I was dangerous. I was better off alone. Away from the living, away from the dead.
I ran foward and blasted out shadows from the room carefully making sure I didn’t harm Scott or Tori who were in the hall. “Get in here!” I yelled at them.
My mind worked on automatic and I systematically worked my way through the place having gotten Nina to knock out the power. I killed most of the Kennedy soldiers. The Institute was a mess of blood, flesh and brain.
“Claire?” I turned around to see Nick walk out on the balcony. “Everyone’s been looking for you.”
I could see the dent in the banister which Nick had been rendered unconscious on. I could see the glass broken, unrepaired from what I had done to my brother. Even with my hair died back to blonde, it didn’t help me. My mind was everywhere. “Caitlyn was right, she said some stuff to me before she was killed. Necromancers... we... latch on to the dead, and they latch on to us and we do stupid things that we wouldn’t have done. That in our minds... we know is wrong.”
“Claire...”
“I know right from wrong, or I did. Now it’s blurred. Sometimes, the wrong things feel right, and I know deep down they shouldn’t. I could have killed my brother, Nick, I act out on... what? The darkest parts of my mind, when that isn’t me.” I put my head in my hands, “or maybe this really is me, and that’s scary. I should have stayed dead.”
“Don’t say that Claire. There are people here who need you.”
“I was at peace, Nick. I was happy, and entirely myself. Before the dead started to stalk me.” I hyperventilated. “I was at peace. I was at peace.”
He ran a hand through his hair, unable to find something to say. Nothing could make me better. I was beyond broken.
Days later the people who had come together in my life as extended family made decisions on their own life. Anna, Mary and J.C decided to try a normal life on for size. Mary admitted to me she felt the same way I did. Lost and angry, traits we got mostly from the dead, or so Caitlyn told me. She says it’s better for her to be with Anna, she’s calmer with her sister, told me before they left that I should find that one person who makes me calm, happy, who balances out the dead.
Robyn really wanted a normal life. She was sick of the death, the fear. Hawkeye went with her. They are definitely an item. I wished them the best as they left. Robyn pulled me aside to say goodbye in private. “You going to be okay? Right Claire.” I told her I would be, though admittedly, I wasn’t sure if I was telling her the truth or not.
Liam hates me, and my brother, when he left, so did Nick. I recalled our conversation; “I want to get back to the force. I can help people there, here... I don’t know what I could do. I got to get back to normal.” I remembered the way he looked at me, he kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you’re still with us. The world wouldn’t be the same with out you.”
“Be safe.” I told him as he walked out the door, and my heart pounded and I breathed quickly willing myself not to cry.
The rest of us decided to stay, for now at least. Thayne and Nina stay close together always. Watching out for each other. Tori and my brother have started to hang out more and more, and I think there might be something more to it but Tori hasn’t told me anything and I haven’t pushed it. Daniel and I have worked out our issues. I apologized for pushing him through a glass door, I really hadn’t meant to even hurt him, it just...happened.
My mother watches over me like a hawk, and as annoying as it is, I can’t bring myself to tell her it bothers me. After all, I’ve heard how she reacted over my death. She’s just as unstable as I am.
Rick has gotten his powers back. He thinks Scott was right, his mind just didn’t want to know, it didn’t want the grief, it protected him, and now he’s back to picking out the winning lotto numbers.
Scott tells me he stayed mostly because of fear. Decidedly, there is nothing in the world for him. He creates death with a touch. The world is for the living, not for him. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing at all. Deep down, I knew how he felt. This was the only place for people like us.
Hiro also stayed, he’s much better, but the scar on his chest is massive. His ability to shift forms works much better now, like his near death experience and the constant changes that came of it helped his powers grow.
Leon watches over me like I’m going to die on him again. Admittedly, I believe I’ve used up my nine lives. He’s much better, up and around.
“Claire?” I turn around to see my mother. “You keep staring out the window.”
“I keep trying to think of what is out there for me.” I say softly. “If I’m meant to be here, there is something in this world, something that I’m suppose to do.”
“You can help people like you.” My mother answers coming and sitting down beside me in the window sill. “Our kind is... painfully alone.”
“You have dad.”
“He sent me to an institution remember? Normal people don’t understand, and we desire understanding.”
“Are you leaving him.”
“After all we have been through... no,” she replied finally. “Cory is still really messed up over you.”
“I know,” Cory had followed me for a while, like he expected me to just drop dead.
“What are you thinking about Claire? What is it you want to do with your life.”
I shook my head. “I wanted a normal life. I can’t have that anymore.”
“No, you’re right, you can’t.”
“I know you might hate me for saying so,” I said softly, “but I should have stayed dead. I keep thinking it. I was at peace mom. Kind of, I mean, I was beat up over all I had done in life. The way I manage to hurt everyone I get close to no matter how pure my intentions start out as, they become blackened by the shadows.”
“Mary seems that way too. You must control the shadows, don’t let them control you.”
“Mom, no offence, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. You might be a necromancer, but you’re the weakest type. You have NO idea what living with the shadows is like. They find the worst part of you and bring it to the forefront. How many have I killed mom?” I stared at her for a moment. “And I don’t feel guilty about any of it and any normal person would.”
My mother looked shocked and then turned away from me. “Maybe you should take some time out in the world. Find yourself. You can’t help anyone the way you are right now.” She stood and left me alone.
I looked back out the window. Her words ringing in my ears. Find myself? I didn’t even know if I could if I tried. The concept sounded far fetched. Impossible. I was too far from my former self. I wasn’t close to who I use to be.
“All the more reason to try,” I whispered to myself. With out thinking on it too much I packed an overnight bag, stuffed in a few hundred dollars and wrote a short note. I snuck out the back door and got into the first car I found I pulled down the visor and the keys fell into my lap. I drove through the institute gates and began my search for the pretty blonde girl with a pure heart.
Dear everyone,
I’m sorry, but I can’t stay. I thought I would stay because of who I am, because I fear what I’ve become. These powers frighten me. Inside these walls, I won’t find what it is I’m looking for. I’m looking for me. She’s blonde, got curly hair, really nice skin, she smiles a lot, and is really friendly, and a little bit shy sometimes. I’ve got to find her again, or at least a medium I can live with. The way I am now... I can’t live like this. This monster I’ve become, I want to regret the things I’ve done. I know in my head they are wrong, but I can’t be upset by it. I know this note sounds strange, and messed up, but it’s how I am. I need to find me before I can help anyone, if that is what I choose to do.
I’ll send postcards or something.
Love always,
Claire.
This is the end. The more I wrote, the less likely it seemed that I was going to be giving a happy ending. This was about as close to happy as I could give. I know, I know, it wasn't the ending anyone was looking for, but it's the one I have to give. Hope you still like the story despite the ending that was even a bit of a shock to me... I blame it on Claire's alcoholism. <3
Getting shoved into a body isn’t exactly a great experience. It’s painful, and I found once I was inside, I was coughing up embalming fluid, and finding it very hard to move thanks to rigor mortis already having set in. Daniel helped me sit up and bent my stiff body over the side of the coffin so I didn’t drown in my own fluids. My stomach rumbled and expelled more fluids as I heaved.
Tori and Scott were working their ways through the guards killing them, while Nina was doing her best to keep anyone from entering the large room. Daniel helped me out of the coffin and I found my body was starting to move a little smoother now.
“Claire, you need to be careful. Our powers are dangerous.” Caitlyn yelled over the noise of gunfire. “The darkness, and spirits can have powers, and malicious intent of their own. We necromancers aren’t truly meant to be among the living. We cause death, we welcome death to come to us, we draw on it. Sometimes it makes us do things we wouldn’t, and in time, we aren’t even who we started out as, we’re just a picture made up from thousands of other people.” Caitlyn leaned in close, “we’re monsters of the dead’s design. Try to keep your head.”
“The dead control us?”
“If we’re weak.” Caitlyn responded. “But Claire, I have to tell you something. It’s of grave importance.”
The gunfire was loud, she leaned in to make sure I could hear. I leaned in too and was splattered by blood. I screamed and took two quick steps back as Caitlyn’s lifeless body fell to the ground, a bullet having ripped through her skull.
I looked around for her spirit, but only found nothing. She’d been ready to die. She’d crossed over to quickly. More gunfire came, and Daniel pulled me from the podium and behind one of the benches. “How many of them are there?” Daniel whispered as he poked his head above the bench.
I wiped blood and brain matter from my face and looked down at my hands. “Don’t puke,” I whispered to myself.
Thayne came to us and knelt down. “I think Nina’s running low.” He handed us each a nine millimetre pistol. “She needs help, she can’t keep them back anymore.”
“Shoot out the lights.” I spoke calmly pointing my gun upwards.
With the three of us working the room was dark in less than a minute and I felt the shadows working through me, I felt loose, my movements having improved, my veins became black and I stood.
What was it that Caitlyn needed to tell me?
I feared the shadows. She was right about them, they had a mind of their own. They found the most malicious part of me and acted out on it, uncensored. I was dangerous. I was better off alone. Away from the living, away from the dead.
I ran foward and blasted out shadows from the room carefully making sure I didn’t harm Scott or Tori who were in the hall. “Get in here!” I yelled at them.
My mind worked on automatic and I systematically worked my way through the place having gotten Nina to knock out the power. I killed most of the Kennedy soldiers. The Institute was a mess of blood, flesh and brain.
“Claire?” I turned around to see Nick walk out on the balcony. “Everyone’s been looking for you.”
I could see the dent in the banister which Nick had been rendered unconscious on. I could see the glass broken, unrepaired from what I had done to my brother. Even with my hair died back to blonde, it didn’t help me. My mind was everywhere. “Caitlyn was right, she said some stuff to me before she was killed. Necromancers... we... latch on to the dead, and they latch on to us and we do stupid things that we wouldn’t have done. That in our minds... we know is wrong.”
“Claire...”
“I know right from wrong, or I did. Now it’s blurred. Sometimes, the wrong things feel right, and I know deep down they shouldn’t. I could have killed my brother, Nick, I act out on... what? The darkest parts of my mind, when that isn’t me.” I put my head in my hands, “or maybe this really is me, and that’s scary. I should have stayed dead.”
“Don’t say that Claire. There are people here who need you.”
“I was at peace, Nick. I was happy, and entirely myself. Before the dead started to stalk me.” I hyperventilated. “I was at peace. I was at peace.”
He ran a hand through his hair, unable to find something to say. Nothing could make me better. I was beyond broken.
Days later the people who had come together in my life as extended family made decisions on their own life. Anna, Mary and J.C decided to try a normal life on for size. Mary admitted to me she felt the same way I did. Lost and angry, traits we got mostly from the dead, or so Caitlyn told me. She says it’s better for her to be with Anna, she’s calmer with her sister, told me before they left that I should find that one person who makes me calm, happy, who balances out the dead.
Robyn really wanted a normal life. She was sick of the death, the fear. Hawkeye went with her. They are definitely an item. I wished them the best as they left. Robyn pulled me aside to say goodbye in private. “You going to be okay? Right Claire.” I told her I would be, though admittedly, I wasn’t sure if I was telling her the truth or not.
Liam hates me, and my brother, when he left, so did Nick. I recalled our conversation; “I want to get back to the force. I can help people there, here... I don’t know what I could do. I got to get back to normal.” I remembered the way he looked at me, he kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you’re still with us. The world wouldn’t be the same with out you.”
“Be safe.” I told him as he walked out the door, and my heart pounded and I breathed quickly willing myself not to cry.
The rest of us decided to stay, for now at least. Thayne and Nina stay close together always. Watching out for each other. Tori and my brother have started to hang out more and more, and I think there might be something more to it but Tori hasn’t told me anything and I haven’t pushed it. Daniel and I have worked out our issues. I apologized for pushing him through a glass door, I really hadn’t meant to even hurt him, it just...happened.
My mother watches over me like a hawk, and as annoying as it is, I can’t bring myself to tell her it bothers me. After all, I’ve heard how she reacted over my death. She’s just as unstable as I am.
Rick has gotten his powers back. He thinks Scott was right, his mind just didn’t want to know, it didn’t want the grief, it protected him, and now he’s back to picking out the winning lotto numbers.
Scott tells me he stayed mostly because of fear. Decidedly, there is nothing in the world for him. He creates death with a touch. The world is for the living, not for him. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing at all. Deep down, I knew how he felt. This was the only place for people like us.
Hiro also stayed, he’s much better, but the scar on his chest is massive. His ability to shift forms works much better now, like his near death experience and the constant changes that came of it helped his powers grow.
Leon watches over me like I’m going to die on him again. Admittedly, I believe I’ve used up my nine lives. He’s much better, up and around.
“Claire?” I turn around to see my mother. “You keep staring out the window.”
“I keep trying to think of what is out there for me.” I say softly. “If I’m meant to be here, there is something in this world, something that I’m suppose to do.”
“You can help people like you.” My mother answers coming and sitting down beside me in the window sill. “Our kind is... painfully alone.”
“You have dad.”
“He sent me to an institution remember? Normal people don’t understand, and we desire understanding.”
“Are you leaving him.”
“After all we have been through... no,” she replied finally. “Cory is still really messed up over you.”
“I know,” Cory had followed me for a while, like he expected me to just drop dead.
“What are you thinking about Claire? What is it you want to do with your life.”
I shook my head. “I wanted a normal life. I can’t have that anymore.”
“No, you’re right, you can’t.”
“I know you might hate me for saying so,” I said softly, “but I should have stayed dead. I keep thinking it. I was at peace mom. Kind of, I mean, I was beat up over all I had done in life. The way I manage to hurt everyone I get close to no matter how pure my intentions start out as, they become blackened by the shadows.”
“Mary seems that way too. You must control the shadows, don’t let them control you.”
“Mom, no offence, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. You might be a necromancer, but you’re the weakest type. You have NO idea what living with the shadows is like. They find the worst part of you and bring it to the forefront. How many have I killed mom?” I stared at her for a moment. “And I don’t feel guilty about any of it and any normal person would.”
My mother looked shocked and then turned away from me. “Maybe you should take some time out in the world. Find yourself. You can’t help anyone the way you are right now.” She stood and left me alone.
I looked back out the window. Her words ringing in my ears. Find myself? I didn’t even know if I could if I tried. The concept sounded far fetched. Impossible. I was too far from my former self. I wasn’t close to who I use to be.
“All the more reason to try,” I whispered to myself. With out thinking on it too much I packed an overnight bag, stuffed in a few hundred dollars and wrote a short note. I snuck out the back door and got into the first car I found I pulled down the visor and the keys fell into my lap. I drove through the institute gates and began my search for the pretty blonde girl with a pure heart.
Dear everyone,
I’m sorry, but I can’t stay. I thought I would stay because of who I am, because I fear what I’ve become. These powers frighten me. Inside these walls, I won’t find what it is I’m looking for. I’m looking for me. She’s blonde, got curly hair, really nice skin, she smiles a lot, and is really friendly, and a little bit shy sometimes. I’ve got to find her again, or at least a medium I can live with. The way I am now... I can’t live like this. This monster I’ve become, I want to regret the things I’ve done. I know in my head they are wrong, but I can’t be upset by it. I know this note sounds strange, and messed up, but it’s how I am. I need to find me before I can help anyone, if that is what I choose to do.
I’ll send postcards or something.
Love always,
Claire.
This is the end. The more I wrote, the less likely it seemed that I was going to be giving a happy ending. This was about as close to happy as I could give. I know, I know, it wasn't the ending anyone was looking for, but it's the one I have to give. Hope you still like the story despite the ending that was even a bit of a shock to me... I blame it on Claire's alcoholism. <3